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Cross-party privileges committee pregnant

After spending several hours in close proximity to Boris Johnson all members of Wednesday’s hearing are now expecting. In what is considered to be a routine procedure, made compulsory after recent 'work events', members of the privileges committee took pregnancy tests. All came back positive.

One member, a staunch supporter of the minister for Uxbridge and South Ruislip, explained: “I always liked Boris, but during his testimony I suddenly began to despise him and wanted to eat coal. That’s when I knew he’d knocked me up good and proper, again!”

A male member added: “I didn’t realise I had a womb, never mind it ovulating, until Boris filled me with his second coming. Although, hand on heart, I may have misremembered his first, it was on a Bullingdon initiation night.”

A close female member, said: “I felt nothing, until the Big Dog gripped the bible like it was my naked hips, and a spad called Gabriel uttered unto my AirPod; that I would bear the umpteenth child of the pork lord."

The event is being hailed as the Immaculate Misconception, meaning Boris will be judged to be free from sin, but that’s not how Nadine will see it!”

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