After fracking company Caudrilla had the rights to cause earthquakes removed by last-man-standing prime minister Rishi Sunak in October, it was suggested the ban was issued on environmental terms. The reality is the specialist hydraulic fracturing company struck a huge field of nitrous oxide in the North-West of England.
Cuadrilla operations manager Steve Hardcastle recalls the moment his team struck "clear gold": 'It was a routine day, nothing much to smile about, when I caught myself smirking at a shovel. Within minutes the whole crew were rolling on the floor finding the mundanity of the lifting tool piss funny. That’s when we knew.'
Government experts are not in stitches about the discovery. They believe the fracking process may have forced enough nitrous oxide through the earth’s crust to render Northern attitudes to personal wealth accumulation, privatisation of the NHS, immigration, and all conservative policies side-splittingly hilarious for generations.
Wearing the custard pie of forthcoming regional humiliation, Home Secretary Suella Braverman has come under fire for not visiting the region. A spokesperson, said: 'It would be unwise to expose the minister to a situation where she may experience laughter; it’s a gateway to compassion.'