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Downing Street Christmas party this year to be ‘absolute rager’

Following complaints that the 2020 Downing Street Christmas party atmosphere was a bit down, organisers have promised that 2021’s will be a ‘mad one’ needing a ‘totally docile press’ to avoid scandals.

Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said ‘The theme last year was “F*ck the Plebs” but that got people down because it made us think about the plebs. This year, Therese Coffey is bringing extra mistletoe and promised to grind on Jacob Rees-Mogg until his nanny intervenes. Sajid Javid is bringing all his friends, which may backfire if none turn up. Michael Gove has promised more E than Easy-E’s Scrabble set. The PM did say to “follow Covid rules” – his air quotes not mine – but then he winked, rubbed his thighs and demanded a hot totty with some hot toddy.’

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