The Dumbass Channel (no 739 on the Freeview system), also known as “the sharks and nazis channel” after the vast majority of its programming, has announced it’s commissioning a new season of its paranormal investigation show “Idiots Desperate To Get On TV”.
”Obviously, most idiots wantin’ to be on TV go on American Idol, America’s Got Talent or whatever,” explained channel controller Steve Cheeseburger. “But there’s a few with the brains to know they can’t sing, and not quite dumb enough to risk their lives on Jackass. That’s where we come in.
“Once we get a report of ‘paranormal activities’ going’ on somewhere - ok, to be honest it’s always a trailer park in the deep south - we send along our team of ‘paranormal investigators’. By which I mean some guys I used to smoke dope with in college. They bring along some machines with flashin’ lights that go beep, which always seems to impress the locals…”
A preview tape of the first show sees the team visit the doublewide trailer owned by Billybob and Tammy-Faye of Arsewipe, Arkansas, and learn about all the strange goings-on they’ve been experiencing.
”Ah was in the kids’ bedroom and ah suddenly felt this cold wind,” said Tammy-Faye. “It was ovah heyah, just bah the open window.” Asked whether he was there at the time, Billybob said “No, ah was in the next room, waitin’ for mah sister ta come back ta bed. A man has needs, y’know?”