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England footballers threaten strike action unless demands on pay, conditions and pensions are met

As if the nurses, postmen, and teachers going on strike wasn’t enough, shock news has emerged from the English training camp in Qatar.

"The lads have had enough", said England trade union representative Tommy Studs. “They’re going on strike. The FA have forced them to kick footballs in temperatures of over twenty degrees, give press conferences at the drop of a hat and listen to Gareth Southgate drone on for a fortnight."

It's only the second time that the England international football team will have gone on strike since it was founded in 1872. The first strike was in 1908 in Saxe-Coburg when Captain Sir Digby Rawlinson was sent off for not offering the opposing captain a glass of port at half-time.

Mr Studds was adamant the players had a strong case. "Things have come a long way since Captain Rawlinsons' gentlemanly heroics back in the day," he argued before adding, "but the football association seems to take the players for granted. They're only offering the boys ten million quid each, the use of a complimentary gold-plated jacuzzi back at the hotel, and insist on making efficiencies by reducing the number of highly trained sports data and strategy analysts to 367.

On top of that, they expect them to play the French. How underhand and diabolical can you get?"

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