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Football team refuses to play without their own reality TV series

Plucky, non-league Havant & Waterlooville FC are said to start the season with no major transfers and a complete absence of a 12-part Netflix serial, voiced over by the lovely Sir Patrick Stewart. Said the Manager: 'Obviously it's disappointing. Pre-season training had been going so well, with the team's make-over. hair stylists and intensive Stanislavski techniques.'

The players have gone on strike until a celebrity investor or rags-to-riches narrative can be secured. Said one player: 'I didn't get into the football to kick a football around. I did it for the real-life dramas, the spin-off Youtube channel and 15 minutes on the Graham Norton Show.'

Havant is one of only three teams this season not to have its own documentary, even Luton has one - called 'The Last of Us'. It also means fans will be forced to attend games in person, one game at a time. Remarked one fan: 'I'd normally sit on my sofa and binge the whole season in one weekend.'


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