"For pity's sake!" gasped Ahmed from Aleppo, sinking to his knees in supplication, "somebody let me out of this hellhole they've sent me to!
"I'm surrounded on all sides by concrete and high walls topped with barbed wire. It's rat-infested, and everyone around me seems to have a disease.
"And everywhere I go, there are skinheads - who I assume to be undercover government agents - threatening to throw me in the water.
"I never thought that Suella Braverman and the Home Office would be so callous as to chuck us illegal migrants into emergency housing in Brentford.
"Let me out of here, and I promise I will go back and take my chances in war-torn Syria.
"Or put me on that charming seaside barge, the Bibby Stockholm.
"There's less chance of dying a horrendous death in either of those two places than there is in Bibby Brentford."
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