The race for this year’s Christmas number one has taken a surprising turn as veteran rock n’ roller Cliff Richard released F*ck off Gabriel, a catchy yuletide celebration of sacrilegious expletives. His long-awaited single has entered the charts at No3. Cliff has 327 Christmas number ones under his belt and is the only rock n’ roller to have a hit in every decade since the English civil war of 1642.
In a radical departure from sentimental schmaltz, Cliff’s latest offering has elements of old-school punk and new wave Ska, leaving some fans bitterly disappointed. Hundreds have resigned from his fan club in protest, although a spokesman for Cliff said they could all fuck off and die as far as he was concerned.
Among the controversial lyrics is a repeating chorus that could see him banned from Radio 2.
‘Pull a sexy cracker and wear a party hat,
Face-down in your dinner plate and vomit on the cat.
Free Palestine, yeah, yeah, yeah! (x4)’
Top of the Pops have agreed to let him perform if he promises to stop spitting at people. Loyal fans have their fingers crossed for another smash hit.
The only time he hasn’t had a number one was in 2014 when he was kept from the top spot by The Police.
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