Going to the shops 'a bit spicier' during a red weather warning
Recent research has uncovered that even the most mundane tasks can be livened up by performing them whilst there is a risk to life.
Luke Lyle describes himself as an adrenaline junkie but is described by others as 'a tool, who lives in his mother's basement'. Lyle said 'Yeah man, I just can't get excited about things you normos do. But when there's a danger of death because of raging flood waters or high winds, I make unnecessary journeys like there's no tomorrow. Woo! Feel the rush! I mean... I do have to get rescued quite often, but it still counts.'
Scientist Piotr Polkowski said 'Climate change means there will be more extreme weather, so bellends like that will have more fun - and need rescuing more often - as the world burns. I'm not saying I've bought a hunting rifle and lots of canned goods, but I'm not not saying that either. Plus the first people that rising floodwaters will drive out of their homes are people who live in their mother's basement.'
Polkowski angrily denied building an ark, before adding 'Who told you about Project Noah?' He then looked longingly at his rifle, muttering 'Soon.'
Elsewhere, a drenched spokesperson for the actress Andie MacDowell rolled their eyes, before confirming that MacDowell had in fact noticed it was raining. The spokesperson complained that MacDowell has been in other films and done quite a bit of telly as well, actually.
Photo by Dave Hoefler on Unsplash
First published 23 Oct 2023
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