Government advice - save on your fuel bills by burning elderly, unwanted relatives
Experts have been weighing in with advice about how to save money, once you’ve submitted an April Fool’s Day meter reading to your energy company, hopefully with a straight face.
A statement from 11 Downing Street said ‘Close the windows of your other country homes and your city crash pad. As for the main estate, you could consider having Jenkins chop down a few of the trees in the lower forest to use as firewood. Perhaps reduce the thermostat temperature in the North Wing – after all no-one has lived there since “Mad” Aunt Henrietta and she’s a fully clothed skeleton in a rocking chair these days. Probably.’
‘We suggest you can burn your hopes, dreams, furniture and elderly relatives. So, lots of choices.’
'Rishi asked us to say he's just like Will Smith - again. To be fair he has just slapped you all in the face.'
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