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Government sets up independent inquiry into independent inquiries

Updated: Jan 31, 2023

The number of independent inquiries into government activities has has reached unprecedented levels, according to an independent inquiry into the number of independent inquiries set up by the government following complaints that there are too many independent inquiries into government activities.

'Independent inquiries are expensive, take forever and don't provide good value for money,' the inquiry is expected to conclude sometime in 2038 at an estimated cost of £3 Billion, with recommendations that the inquiry is followed up by an independent inquiry to determine the best way to conduct independent inquiries, with a target date of 2062 for reporting back to government. 'Time, obviously, is of the essence,' the inquiry chair stated in it's preliminary report after the leader of the opposition who preceded the current leader of the opposition four times removed complained that the report into independent inquiries was taking too long. The leader of the opposition preceding the current leader of the opposition two times removed retracted the complaint as being obviously untrue but nobody actually noticed. Or he was thrown out of the Labour Party. No-one is quite sure and the government has called for an independent inquiry to ascertain whether the leader of the opposition preceding the current one several times or so removed had his or her retraction of the complaint of the leader of the opposition maybe two or three times removed preceding him or her fairly or not. 'This should be resolved before any other independent inquiry is continued,' suggested the government.

The plethora of independent inquiries into independent inquiries is having a knock-on effect into independent inquiries into Grenfell, Partygate, Monegate, Kwarting-gate, Zahawigate, BBCgate and anything else the current government has touched, passed, imprisoned, monetised or screwed up. 'Until the independent inquiry into independent inquiries is completed we can't possibly resolve the other issues, nor can we answer any questions regarding those topics until the relevant independent inquiries are resolved,' said a government spokesman, agreeing that the situation is incredibly unfair and that an independent inquiry should be set up into it 'as soon as this one is concluded but before the other ones are resumed,' he suggested.


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