The government's latest advice to assist those it put into dire need on purpose, is to tell them to switch to a rat-based diet.
A statement from Downing Street said, with only brief pauses for corpsing, 'We urge the people of this great nation to make stiff upper lips like rats while you bite into rats. You see, it solves two problems:
1. The rumbling tummies of the squeezed middle will die down enough for us to hear ourselves think of the next ridiculous headline distracter.
2. It'll reduce the abundance of vermin during the inevitable strike by binmen when the rubbish will pile high in your streets.
'Eating rats will see you through the war. And it is a war. We declared a war on woke, and evil wokes must be destroyed. Everyone must make rat-consumption sacrifices and understand that the most important priority of this government is wokerati defeat. To that end, all government efforts will continue to be, quite rightly, focused on cultural division.'
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