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Govt ministers doing TV round will ditch facts in favour of barefaced lies

It's being reported today government ministers doing daily TV studio rounds will no longer seek to defend the catastrophic shambles they call governance. Instead, they will simply tell barefaced lies on policy and performance.

First in to bat was Home Secretary, James Cleverly. Is that still his job?

Without even a sightly shifty sideways glance, he insisted all legacy asylum cases have now been dealt with one hundred percent as per the party's previous claim, regardless of what factchecking agencies say.

When challenged that his statement was nothing more than a laughable attempt to cook the books, Cleverly stuck his fingers in his ears and said: ''Tizn't, tizn't tizn't. It's  jolly well true... so there.'

Further scepticism only drew a double down response: 'We've done it. Yes, believe me, I should know because I'm a government minister, and we've now decided on the Cabinet WhatsApp group that anything we say is true.

'Therefore, I'm also delighted to be able to announce the 7 million plus NHS waiting list has now been trimmed down to a single Scunthorpe man called Alan, and that's just an ingrowing toenail op. We are clearly the most competent government this country has ever seen.'

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

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