Hobbits have been urged to set out early after questing rules were tightened by Lord Sauron. Anyone under 5ft tall is now required to bring nine magical rings to Mount Doom. Nazgûls can show a bus pass, a 60+ rail card, or a bag of Werther's Originals.
Dark Lord Sauron insists he is tightening the rules to combat questing-fraud. Lord Aragont, Legless the Brave, Coffey the dwarf, Suella the Balrog, and the Daily Mail have all welcomed the changes.
Critics fear the number of heroes setting out to save Middle-Earth from destruction will fall. Hobbits and warriors have been urged to set off by last year at the latest.