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Johnson's hairdresser gets a gong, as does Fabricant's wig

Peerage analysts, if such a profession could exist, are frantically wondering how Johnson's hairdresser could be awarded any gong for doing his hair. Apparently both the Association of Hairdressers and the Privileges Committee wanted her to be struck off for bringing the profession into disrepute.

It has also been noted that the peerage awarded to Michael Fabricant actually only applies to his wig, which presumably will be tended to by Johnson's be-gonged hairdresser. In fact, Michael Fabricant's wig and Boris Johnson's hair haven't been seen in the same salon at the same time. 'It could be a mistake,' said a forensic hairdresser, a profession marginally more likely than a peerage analyst, 'to err is human, two hairs is inhuman. Maybe Boris ennobled Fabricant's wig because he thought it was his hair in a mirror.'

One prominent Peerage Analyst spoke on the condition of anonymity ' It's almost as though peerages are entirely made up and deeply silly and have no place in a modern society. When the revolution comes, it'll be them and the forensic hairdressers first up against the wall.'

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