Boris Johnson is apparently spending his last moments in power swigging from a half empty bottle of champagne, putting whoopee cushions all over 10 Downing Street, hiding bits of uncooked fish behind radiators and taking a shit in a cupboard. He has also written a letter of no confidence in whoever his successor is to give to Graham Brady as soon as the “winner” is announced.
Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said ‘The letter does have a few wine glass stains and some of last night’s lamb bhuna on it. All Boris needs is the name of the person he doesn’t have confidence in so he can scrawl it in crayon. Soon there'll be another leadership election and – I’m quoting him directly here – he can “reclaim the reigns of the chariot of power, in this, the new Jerusalem. What ho!”.’