While Mr.Johnson's ex-wives would beg to differ, apparently an illicit office party is the worst thing he has ever lied about. Standing next to a bus with £350million printed on it, one reporter said he could think of no other time Boris misled the country.
'Thanks to years of undercover investigation, we have finally revealed the greatest scandal of all time. And by years of investigation, I mean ten seconds scrolling someone's Facebook page.'
He remarked smugly: 'We called it Partygate because it's exactly on the same scale as Richard Nixon's electoral crimes. If anything, this is worse because it involved cake. By the way, I'm very clever.' Asked if he thought this was a massive distraction from thousands of unnecessary Covid deaths and industrial scale corruption, he replied: 'Nope. I'm very clever.'