Updated: Jan 5, 2022
A man rushed to hospital on New Year's day has made a dramatic statement after surgeons took six and a half hours to remove a sharp object from his nose.
‘2022 is already worse than 2021, and that was bad enough,' said Vic Strutt, a 43-year-old professional free-style drinker from East Sussex. 'Men in my profession are not known for reading instructions, and I just jabbed the sharp end right up me hooter. The surgeon said I was lucky I didn't skewer my brain.
'I feel bad that I took up valuable bed space for people who haven't had time to take their vaccines but at least I tried.'
A spokesperson for the hospital trust said they were pleased they'd successfully removed the swab. However, they strongly recommended that complete morons take a breathalyser test before attempting to open test kits.