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Actual bloody nose would be more satisfying, say voters

The metaphorical bloody nose delivered to the PM through the by-election defeat in North Shropshire is ok as far it goes, but an actual one would be 10 times more satisfying confirmed voters today.

'All the journalists this morning have been saying that a clear message has been delivered about Tory parties and double standards through the ballot box', said Mike Dwyer, 45, from Oswestry, who stayed at home throughout Christmas last yeatr, seeing none of his family. 'But I feel that being able to stand right in front of the PM and tell him what a total cockwomble he is would be an even clearer signal, to be honest'.

'Is it possible to set up some kind of stocks or fairground attraction, where bloody noses could be administered in person? Could that be a thing', asked Nicky Jones, 32. 'After the shitshow that he has led over the last 2 years, I think there'd be quite some interest'.

'I'd love to do a big run up, rolling my sleeves up and mimicking that really annoying way he goes to do an elbow bump with people, before landing one square on his squidgy snout', continued Jones. 'Maybe £5 a go, with money going towards the NHS. I'm sure it would reach Johnson's £350 million a day target in a matter of hours.'

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