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Man found guilty of not understanding jewellery

Updated: May 18, 2023

Bow magistrates court has sentenced David Redding, 34, to four months community service after he pleaded guilty to not understanding jewellery. 'I get women like to wear earrings,' he said after the verdict, 'but don't understand why they have to have more than one set,' he added. His girlfriend, Jemma, made a complaint to the police, who ironically put the bracelets on Redding, when he failed to buy her jewellery for the fourth consecutive birthday since they moved in together. 'A spray can of WD40 for my creaking cupboard doors just doesn't cut it, I was like 32 and everything,' she said to reporters.

Redding was also convicted of not understanding female clothing sizes. 'I always assumed the number related to the weight in stones,' he said, admitting his one token attempt at buying Jemma a dress backfired disastrously. 'OK, I'm not very good at guessing weight either,' he admitted, pleased that the sentence was to run concurrent with the first one.

A third charge of not understanding colour coordination was dismissed when Redding offered his colour blindness in mitigation. He left the court sullen, dressed in a grey suit with brown shoes and red socks. 'I'm not really colour blind,' he admitted after the verdict, 'it's just what was next in the wardrobe and in my sock drawer.

image form pixabay

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