Forget horse-drawn carriages, the real Prince Charming drives a 2007 Dodge Neon.
Local plumber Bob Bennett was overjoyed when his belligerent years of drive-by flirting finally paid off. The 37-year-old playboy has suffered his fair amount of rejection and hostility from the opposite sex, but his persistence has finally prospered by capturing the hearts of not one, not two, but three young girls.
It was a usual lunchtime for our lucky ladies, who were taking a break from their A level studies. Upon noticing the alluring adolescents, Bob decided to take a chance, manually roll down his window, and turn on the charm.
‘I’ll never forget the first thing he said to me,’ 17-year-old Molly tells us, her cheeks bright with elation. ‘He just screamed, “LEGS, LEGS!” and honked the horn on his duct-taped steering wheel. Wow, I thought; not only is he eloquent but he clearly knows his anatomy too.’
The second of the wooed waifs, 16-year-old Olivia, recalls his unique style: ‘I really liked how yellow the underarms of his vest were,’ she trilled, fiddling with a strand of her hair. ‘and the smell of stale farts that wafted out of the window when he cranked it open.’
‘I liked how his latest sexual conquest was the crumpled photograph of Katie Price that was taped to his dashboard,’ the third excitedly interjects. ‘He clearly knows a lot about women if he jeers at them from afar. Consider this heart won.’
Having never spoken to a woman face-to-face, Bob continues to bellow lewd epithets at his three admirers as they smile adoringly from the dubiously stained backseat. 'I didn't really think this far ahead,' he tells us.
image from pixabay