The sleepy village of Chims on Lea Shropshire, has issued an urgent appeal following the sudden disappearance of its resident village idiot. Brian Dempsey, Chair of The Parish Council said: ‘We’re quite worried, as Liz is nowhere to be seen. One minute, as per usual, she was sitting on a wall with a straw in her mouth, pointing at the aeroplanes mumbling about cheese quotas and squawking like a demented crow, next thing we hear a rumour she’s up in that there London, talking about politics.
‘It’s a worry as she’s a simple soul but completely unsuited to anything other than stamp collecting or raffia work. If anyone knows her whereabouts please let us know immediately.’ Meanwhile, a spokesman for the Tory Party commented. ‘I think Liz has the credentials to make a fist of turning the party’s fortunes around.
‘She’s innocuous, dizzy, rather slow on the uptake and as thick as two short planks. With any luck she’ll turn out to be a rabid racist too and when this is incontrovertibly proven, then our ancient and reactionary octogenarian membership is sure to install her as the next PM.’