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Modern Thermometers Annoyed That Journalists Still Say They Contain Mercury

Modern thermometers across Britain are annoyed by the many inaccurate references by journalists to their mercury rising in hot weather. Modern thermometer Dan Warmness said “It’s decades since mercury was the most commonly used liquid in thermometers, and no disrespect to my silvery elders, they did a good job of measuring how nippy or scorchio it was, but there are many generations of us with a red stripe of coloured alcohol that won’t poison you if we break. We do a good job and safely, in many rooms of your house or garden. There are a lot of journalists who know we haven’t got mercury in but they won’t stop writing it”.

Ancient thermometer Gabriel Balminess, found in the shed of a retired chemist, said “Yes, my mercury middle is toxic to humans and wildlife, although you’d need a bigger quantity than what I’d evaporate if broken to cause real harm. In the old days people were just careful not to break us because we were expensive and magical. These Johnny-Come-Lately red or blue stripe fellas are all very well but lack our metallic majesty which lends itself to the poetry of the phrase mercury rising.”

Nearby digital thermometer Kyle Hotness sighed at the uncoolness of all the older generations and said “Have you seen my thermoresistor? It’s a bit better than a silver or red stripe grandads.”

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