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New Tory Donor Scandal: Hester Mocks Gething’s Wanker Beard

The embattled Conservative party suffered another blow today with a new scandal involving their biggest donor, Frank Hester. At a small private gathering of the Tory splinter group ‘Give us back our F*cking country’, an attendee secretly recorded Mr Hester making disparaging remarks about the recently elected leader of the Welsh Labour party, Vaughan Gething. The recording was then sold to the red top, The Daily Shite, for a six-figure sum.

A spokesperson for the newspaper was tight lipped about exactly what Hester said during the meeting, saying, “We’ll be serialising the story in the run up to the upcoming general election to show what a bunch of XXXX’s the Tories are, but as a teaser I’ll tell you this much. It was a diatribe, an angry polemic, aimed at the new Welsh Labour leader, the main thrust of which was that Gething had a wanker’s beard.”

The now notorious racist, sexist and, by the government’s recent re-classification of extremism, terrorist Hester’s views on issues of colour and gender are a matter of record. However, this is his first comment on facial hair proclivities the rich twat has made.

A spokesperson for My Gething commented to a hastily assembled press pack, “Vaughan is extremely upset by Hester’s remarks. He has never denied that he has a wanker beard. Just look at his face! I know his facial hair proclivity may offend some people, but we live in a democracy, don’t we? It should be every man or woman’s right to sport stupid facial hair without the fear of persecution from right wing tosspots like Hester.”

“Facial prejudice has no place in our society,” said Labour’s chief strategist, Manny Happyreturns, “The Tories should be ashamed of accepting Hester’s bung. If they had any moral compass at all they would hand Hester’s spondulicks to Gething so he can use the money to pay for a fact-finding tour to the Maldives. Wanker beards are de rigueur over there.”

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Mar 17

He's jealous.

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