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News outlets to only tell truth on April Fool’s Day

Stretching many to breaking point, various media platforms have pledged to tell only the truth - as a ‘hilarious’ prank - on 1st April.

Unable to use any of their regular programming, Fox News will show ‘Test Card F’ - the girl and creepy clown doll playing noughts and crosses because, presumably, every else is dead. A Fox News spokesman said ‘Post-apocalyptic horror is our jam anyway. The girl is white, so our viewers will be in their comfort zone.’

Every professionally furious gammonati columnist at The Daily Express will write their version of ‘Diana – my People’s Princess masturbation routine’. Fortunately they will go unread as the pages are stuck together.

Newsbiscuit only speaks the truth and is totally unaffected, while Facebook reverts to being solely a birthday reminder service.

10 Downing Street has declined to take part, saying: ‘Never apologise, never explain. If in doubt, lie.’

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