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Nurses striking as ‘too many things up peoples' butts’

Nurses are striking to get slightly-better-than-terrible pay and conditions for their essential and difficult job. Unfortunately the Tories recently got a sticker and a lollipop for over a decade of deliberately underfunding the NHS. Mostly however, nurses want not to have to pull things out of peoples' butts.

Bob Bridlington said ‘I was hoovering. I just happened to be naked. I slipped and the ketchup bottle somehow went up my butt.’

Nurse Eleanor Evans donned rubber gloves, sighing ‘I’d have a tiny bit of respect if they just said “I thought it would be fun, but now it’s stuck”. Would you like to know which Tory MPs and cabinet ministers have been in this position?’

There was a sickening pop sound as Evans continued ‘Which ones haven’t more like. Some of them should have a loyalty card.’

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