‘Piece of p*ss, this Chancellor lark’ declares Hunt
Being Chancellor of the Exchequer is really easy, nothing like as tricky as people were making it out to be, Jeremy Hunt has said to have confided, after nearly a week in the job.
‘He was expecting it to require some kind of knowledge of monetary policy and the complex relationship between expansionary fiscal instruments and their impacts upon inflation and interest rates’, said a source close to Hunt.
‘But it turns out all he needs to do is just reverse every decision that Truss and Kwarteng made, using a deep and solemn voice’, continue the spokesperson. ‘Simple as that. A bit like ‘Simon Says’ but it’s ‘Jeremy Says’ and the markets are the ones putting their hands on their heads. Or something like that.
'He actually keeps a little list in his pocket and just ticks each policy off as he announces the exact opposite with that smarmy grin of his’.
‘And everyone is lapping it up, even though all the cutbacks and savings he's making are really fictional savings on things only just put in place in the mini-budget by that pair of buffoons three weeks ago’.
‘Of course, once he's finished with the U-turns, he can move on to announcing his own fantastic set of policies for the good of the country – like he did when he was at Health.
‘The whole country is loving it. We heard a voter declare that Trussonomics was dead, and we could now look forward to Total Hunt.’
‘At least we think that’s what they said’.