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PM looking forward to ignoring new Scottish First Minister

UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has confided to aides that he would rather get skiing lessons from Gwyneth Paltrow than pay any attention to the fact there is a new Scottish First Minister, Humza Yousaf.

Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said ‘Between them, Sunak and Yousaf have won zero general elections. Rishi actually lost a Conservative leadership race to Liz Truss. The Queen of the Pork Markets then went on to lose to a lettuce. It’s lucky Rishi didn’t have to stand against the lettuce when he was elected – the free markets can be so cruel.’

‘Humza Yousaf beating Kate Forbes 52/48 feels a bit like the SNP are taking the Brexit-y piss. Anyway, if the new Scottish First Minister calls, we’ll just say the phone was on a high shelf and Rishi couldn’t reach.’

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