Queen complains about Knighthood workload
The Palace has confirmed that Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Second, has expressed concern that she is going to be worn out knighting 'every Tom, Dick and Harry' if the selection of Gavin Williamson is anything to go by.' Seemingly the Palace feels the bar is set so low that snakes are going to struggle to get under it and anyone with modicum of incompetence and the odd compromising photo of the Prime Minister is going to request a Knighthood any day soon.
'That includes half the Metropolitan Police, which explains why it is taking so long to process the Partygate evidence,' said a minor constitutional expert, who confirmed he had a photo of Boris with a girl twenty years younger than himself. 'Might be an assistant, might be something more salacious, whatever, must be worth at least an Earldom,' he mused.