Reform seeks candidates who are “a bit less Reformy”

Following scandals over candidates doing Nazi salutes or saying the victims of the Grenfell fire “would have died anyway”, Reform have decided they need to find candidates who “are a bit less Reformy”.

The strategy was outlined by party chairman Lee Anderthal, who before he went into politics specialised in making stone tools and flint arrowheads.

“The trouble is, we seem to only attract people who are a bit dim and hopeless. Who just have a vague, self-pitying dislike of the modern world they’re not intelligent enough to process, and imagine it’s all the fault of immigrants.”

”He’s right,” agreed the head of the party’s Irish branch, Austral O’Pithecus, whose special responsibilities include making fire. “Everyone who joins Reform basically sees things as stupidly as we do. We need to find people who are much smarter than us, but inexplicably want to be Reform candidates.”

They concluded by expressing the hope their new manifesto might attract the kind of people they want. Unfortunately it’s thought it wasn’t seen by many people, as it was only available as a cave painting.

image by Grok