As the quarter finals of the never ending rugby world cup finally come to a conclusion, it is likely a colleague, friend or family member will enquire as to whether you've seen the rugby. We've pulled together a handy list of responses as, let's face it, you know nothing about rugby.
If someone approaches you and asks, "See the rugby last night?" You're perfectly within your rights to respond with, "DON'T BE DISGUSTING!" And then explain your outburst with, "Oh sorry. I thought you asked if I liked watching animals have sex." They probably won't ask you anything ever again.
After being asked counter with, "no, actually, I was glued to CNN keeping up with the world's events. I have no time for triviality when the world is literally burning, Pamela." Use Pamela even if the person isn't called Pamela, it's tremendously effective.
Too much detail
"Yes, although I'm unsure as to whether the blitz defence will serve them well in the next round. They don't have the fitness to maintain it. Perhaps, they should revert to drift with three man pods but no competing at the breakdown. Percentage rugby, isn't it? They'll cough up the ball eventually then we're on. And when you see it's on, it's on." Most people at this point will simply nod and edge away.
Flap your hands like a giant albatross and jog away with little jumps as if trying to take off. If you're feeling jolly, add some bird noises. Or maybe even cow noises to further make your point.
Look around furtively and say, "You took your time. Are we all set for the weekend? I've got the money man ready, we just need the guns. Don't screw this up or we're both for it." Then wink in a conspiratorial way and run towards the nearest exit.
Snort, shake your head and say, "rugby" sarcastically as you stride away.
Demonstrate your superior knowledge by tackling them to the ground and forming a ruck by repeatedly scraping your feet down your inquisitor's back whilst pawing them for an imaginary ball. As soon as someone asks what you're doing jog backwards 10 yards and shout, "SORRY SIR!"