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Starmer unleashes golden age of philosophy and enlightenment

Keir Starmer is surfing a tsunami of personal popularity as he begins to remake 10 Downing Street like a shining city upon a hill. As he forges a fair and just society for all, the sheer force of his charisma whips the people into a frenzy of happy adulation and Starmer is carried shoulder high throughout the land, women holding up babies for him to bless with his touch. 

One soothsayer commented 'It is as the ancient prophets and scriptures foretold. A new Jerusalem. His feet, walking upon England's (and even some of Scotland's) mountains green. A new Camelot. A new golden age of philosophy and enlightenment. He is accompanied by a flame haired woman quite a long way to his left, a slightly sensible woman balancing books and chaos with Ed Miliband.'

Starmer woke with a start as the campaign bus pulled into a leisure centre in Milton Keynes. 'What a strange dream' he thought. 'Now remember, you're the son of a tool-maker, not a tool.'

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