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Tories: 'People smuggling gangs are a small business success story'

Despite not quite getting off the fence his arse is apparently embedded on, Keir Starmer has irked the professionally furious by suggesting that the Government go after criminal smuggling gangs more than the small boats they put refugees in.

Tory tabloid cheerleader Clementine Carruthers – whose email signature includes the phrase "Keir Starmer: WOKE lefty lawyer, ENEMY of the people" – salivated 'How DARE he suggest the government goes after criminal gangs? Why target small business owners who are just trying to make a profit from human misery?'

'Unseaworthy small boats actually make for a better business model. Then the refugees need rescuing and it’s easier to deport them. That in turn generates the possibility of repeat trafficking business - and we Tories are pro-business, plus we need the non-existent boogeyman to whip up a racist frenzy come election time.'

People smuggler Gary Grimthwaite added 'Death, famine, war and conquest are all up, so business is good. Now, I do understand that it's important for Rishi Sunak to be seen to be doing something. However, we'd far rather he picked on the leaky dinghies we lease to our customers and not us. So, speaking as someone who literally trades in amorality and the desperation of those seeking a better life, I'll be donating to the Tories. Probably best they don't declare exactly where this money came from, eh lads?'

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Sep 16, 2023

How dare he suggest tackling the cause! Bloody commie!

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