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  • Writer's pictureSully

Tories studying Dallas ‘Dream Season’

“It’s our only hope” wailed a spokesman. “It worked for ‘Dallas’ after Bobby Ewing died, and the show’s ratings nosedived. We just tell everybody that Boris standing down was something which happened in a dream, and today’s date is really 6th July. We can explain the dark, cold days by, err, global darkening. That’s it! Global darkening is making July look just like October.”

Some Conservatives are sceptical of the ‘Dream Season’ plan, pointing out that many citizens have access to the internet and might know the actual date, although a focus group responded surprisingly well, as the following comments demonstrate:

“So, we have to choose between Liz Truss being PM or the idea that the last 3 months have been somebody’s dream? Isn’t she the ‘pork markets’ woman? Seems a no-brainer to me. Where do I sign?”

“Do I get to have my birthday again?”

“Look, I’m willing to believe in the Tooth Fairy if that woman goes”.

Some Tories have complained that the plan isn’t ambitious enough. “If we’re going to muck about with false memories and time travel, why don't we go back to just before the darkies arrived and everybody knew their place?” one on the progressive wing asked us. “Ah, Britain was perfect then”.

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