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UEFA hope to knobble Russia by taking GazProm sponsorship

An UEFA spokesman confirmed today that the organisation intended continuing its commercial association with Gazprom. 'Think about it - we're bleeding the Russian company dry with every football match we host worldwide - it's the most cunning thing we could think of. We did consider - very briefly - taking a moral stand, but given our reputation nobody would have believed it anyway,' he added.

In related news, NewsBiscuit has also confirmed it will attempt to bleed Russian sponsors dry, strangling the finances of the Russian commercial sector. 'Anyone who has invested a bean in NewsBiscuit will understand what a financial drain that is,' said a spokesperson. 'We're going to bleed Putin dry one satirical article at a time,' he said. A Kremlin spokesperson confirmed that President Putin was 'Quivering in his boots and insisted that NewsBiscuit withdraw from satire immediately' and threatened to surround the NewsBiscuit HQ with thousands of funny Russians 'if we can find any.'

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Although it is unclear what the fault is, a Neolithic circle known as Stonehenge has been returned to the Bronze Age. This leaves the only remaining ancient artefact in our time which is five thousand


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