The government has blamed the failing UK economy on a series of unfortunate events which definitely weren't its fault. A Treasury spokes-abacus said, 'It was just really unlucky that the economy walked under a ladder last Wednesday. And then opened an umbrella inside, which smashed a mirror. It might have survived all of that if it hadn't been dropped and landed jam side down.
'But it's OK, because we have a shiny new plan which will fix everything. We are going to strap the economy to Larry the Downing Street Cat's back. Then, every time we drop it again, it should always land on its feet.'
'The Royal Institute for Pretending it Understands Economics has been less optimistic. 'What we know for sure is that when you try and test this sort of thing, the test itself goes wrong. So no one knows for sure where all of this government fiscal jiggerypokery will lead. But it's OK because poor people are still paying for everything and all of the cock-ups - a good old tradition which has always worked in the past.'
Hat tip to CaptainParrot