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UK to import executions from Saudi Arabia

A trade spokesperson confirmed: 'Our own domestic torture supply is relatively small, compared with our own high demand for low cost beheadings. We need to stop our dependence on Russian human rights abuses and, instead, source an unlimited supply of evil. The Saudi Royals said they can send us a truckload of severed heads, faster than you can dismember a journalist. While they also guaranteed that any deal would be at a cut price.'

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