The Department of the Bleedin’ Obvious in Whitehall has issued a report on the case of Wayne Couzens, concluding that he was unfit to be a policeman.
“Looking back, there were several red flags in his behaviour,” says the report’s conclusion. “Chiefly the fact that he abducted, raped and murdered a young woman as she was walking home.
”This is precisely the kind of thing that makes us trained psychologists a bit concerned, and feel that the subject merits closer scrutiny from now on.”
Identifying areas in which best practice could be improved with the aim of producing better outcomes in future, it was felt that ideally such individuals should be identified and dealt with before they commit terrible crimes, rather than producing reports stating the obvious afterwards.
The department then moved onto considering other questions such as the Pope’s religious affiliations, the toiletary habits of bears, who composed Beethoven’s fifth and the colour of an orange.
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