As tension continues to build and Russian troops mass on the Ukrainian border, Boris Johnson has said the UK must “learn to live with World War Three”.
“It is a moment of pride that we can announce this plan,” Boris said. “Under this government, deaths from World Wars have been at their lowest level for 70 years. This means we are able to say that if World War Three breaks out, then just get on with your ordinary life.”
The new plan involves the prime minister repositioning himself as a global statesman, but ordinary people will have to dodge any bombs when they start to drop. Working from home is likely to be scrapped for British troops too.
“We simply can’t keep up all this diplomatic work forever,” the prime minister said. “The British public doesn’t want restrictions like blackouts, carrying gas masks, air raid warnings or building air-raid shelters to be reintroduced.
“So, let’s get on with life as normal and forget about any police investigations or donations from wealthy Russians.”