'Unfortunately, due to the sudden and quite unexpected passing of her Majesty the Queen, Westminster Abbey is fully booked for the foreseeable,' said a spokesman for the Abbey. 'Sundays are fully booked, obvs, plus there are a myriad of bookings ranging from religious events and secular activities such as a bring and buy next week and an inner-city car boot sale in October.
'Spoons down the road might be able to help, but last time I looked they didn't take bookings. Might be worth a punt, though,' he added.