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Your mate insisting that England need to adopt ‘high press’



One of your mates is incessantly banging on about the need for the England football team to employ a ‘high press’ tactic without having the slightest idea about what it means, it has been confirmed.



After hearing the phrase mentioned by every sodding commentator, pundit and journalist, your friend is sure that a lack of ‘the press’ is behind England’s lacklustre performances in the Euros so far.



‘We need to employ a higher press for sure against Slovenia’, confirmed your mate just now after hearing Alan Shearer mention it again on TV.. ‘All the best teams do the press thing much better then us. They’re pressing for England’.



‘Rice and Alexander Arnold should be constantly pressing’ continued your mate. ‘24, 7, 365, they need to be on it. Press enter to continue, press here to exit, press the bell to stop the bus. Watching old episodes of Press Gang. Why doesn’t Southgate get it? ’



‘Trent needs one of those Corby trouser things, and Declan should be given a massive orange squeezer or something. I mean, how the hell are we supposed to compete with the Spanish when our guys having even the most basic pressing equipment?’.



‘It’s not just me saying it’, explained your mate. ‘All the journos think we should be using the press more too. There’s definitely pressure from the press about the press’.



It has been confirmed that your mate will continue talking about the press until tonight when he will hear pundits discussing ‘the low block’.



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