PoliticsBiscuit
Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls has strenuously denied any responsibility for a slow motion car crash taking place in Westminster.
Mr Balls was summonsed by Labour Party authorities to explain why he did not report the accident, which began when passenger Ed Miliband seized the wheel from his brother David in 2010, causing the vehicle to lurch awkwardly all over the place.
The scientific world was celebrating last night after Tony Blair’s illuminating discovery that black is white. To date, the finest minds have failed to identify evidence of the presence of dark matter postulated in a dossier in 2003. But somehow to everybody’s deep joy, Blair has managed it.
EU Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso has admitted to journalists that most of the decisions made by the EU are now designed with the sole purpose of winding up UKIP leader Nigel Farage.
An agreement has been made between a Government inquiry, Cabinet Secretary Sir Jeremy Heywood and Electric Blue (the soft core porn show), to release the infamous footage of the British electorate ‘getting shafted’.
Zoo keepers, veterinarians and ‘sandal-wearing libertarians’ were left mourning the loss of the world’s last remaining ‘Greater-spectacled Oakeshott’. The ‘Oakeshott’ had been cared for in the House of Lords’ wildlife refuge since May 2000, but had failed to find a left-wing breeding partner among the elderly peers.
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