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Independent Scotland ‘will never know sex of Royal baby’, says PM

Won't be called Alex, that's for sureDavid Cameron has denied that the campaign against Scottish independence has ‘run out of ideas’ today by announcing that an independent Scotland will ‘never find out’ what sex the new Royal baby turns out to be. ‘I won’t tell you whether it’s a girl or a boy, and you won’t be able to watch BBC News 24 to find out either,’ the prime minister said at a Better Together hustings in Dumfries. ‘And don’t expect the Queen to tell you either, if you vote yes she’ll be bloody furious.’

The Royal baby news has caused an otherwise leaden referendum campaign to explode into life. Scottish Labour MP Jim Murphy has returned to his tedious tour of Scotland’s high streets, temporarily abandoned last week after an egg-throwing voter accused him of ‘not talking about the Royal family enough’.

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Nick Clegg to use everyone’s paternity leave next year

another great idea!Anticipating he will have a lot of ‘free time on his hands’ after the next election, the Deputy Prime Minister has volunteered to provide round-the-clock support to all new parents. The Liberal Democrat’s’ manifesto will pledge that Mr. Clegg will stay with couples for up to six weeks after the birth of their child; providing nappy changing, reassuring hugs and amusing anecdotes about proportionate representation if ‘…baby refuses to go to sleep’.

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UKIP defends MEP’s ‘speak like Blair’ advice

Labour has claimed that this shows Nigel Farage’s complete failure to clean up his party but Farage said: ‘Bill gave a seminar on public speaking and highlighted great speakers of the past, like Blair and Adolf Hitler as people whose style should be studied. We’re not condoning Blair’s actions, of course.’

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Scottish voters urged to consider Salmond’s ‘big pleading eyes’

In a last-ditch attempt to swing the vote in the Scottish independence referendum , the ‘Yes’ camp has launched a series of posters and television advertisements sponsored by the RSPCA.

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‘Yes’ on Scottish independence ‘more likely’ as Boris Johnson heads for Parliament

Alex Salmond’s campaign for an independent Scotland was bolstered this week, as Mayor of London Boris Johnson announced he’ll be standing as MP in the 2015 general election, with his eyes set firmly on Number 10.

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