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Rishi reveals his masterplan

Following the press statement by the Prime Minister the inevitable questions have been circulating.  When are they going?  When is HE going?  What airline is foolish enough to take Rishi's money?

We are going to answer all of these questions and more.  Unbeknownst to the general public the Prime Minister has avoided the potential embarrassment of failing to find an airline willing to risk its reputation by flying the refugees by dipping into his small change piggy bank and has bought British Airways.  He did consider buying RyanAir, but felt that was a low blow, even for refugees.

To avoid the problems with getting staff to fly the plane the Prime Minister has been learning to fly, mainly by cadging front row seats from Tory donors and by playing Flight Simulator on his X Box.  His first choice had been to train Liz Truss, but she only seemed capable of crashing things. 

The three hundred or so trained staff are actually all Tory MPs - predominantly those forecast to lose their seats once Sunak calls the election.  The motivation is that the nastiest MP on the flight will be promised the safest seat come the election, so unfortunately, we might not have seen the back of Gullis.

Finally, in answer to the continued questioning whenever Sunak claims the Rwanda flights are the 'will of the people', which has confused many pundits.  The people it is the will of are the people sat behind him in the House of Commons.  As most of them are forming the security detail they will still be sat behind him, all the way to Rwanda.  Here's hoping he's as inept at fuelling an aircraft as he was with a Kia.


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