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New Channel Tunnel back to North Africa unveiled

That'll sort itAfter months of top-secret excavation work, the results of a major Anglo-French construction project have been unveiled today: a brand-new extension of the Channel Tunnel that will take would-be migrants from Calais straight back to a currently undisclosed location in North Africa.

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Salmond: Second Bannockburn ‘inevitable’

Tomorrow? Belongs to me, ya ken!In his usual, measured, non-inflammatory manner, the ex-leader of the Scottish National Party Alex Salmond has insisted he will soon retake Stirling Castle and shove a red hot poker ‘up the arse’ of David Cameron to avenge both historical and current slights on a proud and powerful nation.

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New Labour to release cover version of ‘Just Say No’ (to socialism)

Things can only get bitterNew Labour has announced it will reform and record a special charity single – a cover of the Grange Hill classic ‘Just Say No’ – to warn against dabbling in left-wing politics.

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London declares war on Yorkshire

Hague: "Your county needs you!"In a stunning new development in the fight against terror, London has declared war on Yorkshire.

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Boots on the ground in Syria ‘could be problematic’, say pharmacists

IS there a placebo?The prospect of the UK putting ‘Boots on the ground’ in the Syria has once again been on the agenda this week after our recent participation in US air strikes.

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