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Cameron sparks outrage by posing for photos with ‘dead politician’

Photographs of David Cameron posing with a dead politician have been condemned as ‘heartless’ by family and friends of the deceased today. Some of the photographs clearly show Mr. Cameron laughing at the stricken body while others show him ignoring the lifeless corpse altogether.

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Political parties given go ahead for new Subliminal Election Broadcasts

public currently still thinking for themselvesFrom next year, the traditional Party Election Broadcast will be replaced by a blipvert that operates below the threshold of human conscious perception. ‘The old party political broadcasts suffered from a terrible flaw,’ explained Tory party strategist Lynton Crosby. ‘As soon as anyone realised they were watching one, they immediately switched over.’

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‘Debbie’s Law’ to reveal if partners have a history of ‘being boring’

A new law that could be passed within months will make men and women aware of previous instances of ‘dullness’ and ‘boring behaviour’ in their partners.

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Fit-For-Work tests to be conducted by killer robot

you have 10 seconds to comply with this orderFollowing the departure of Atos, the Department for Work and Pensions has awarded the contract for conducting Work Capability Assessments to ‘Benefits Enforcement Droid’ model IDS-209.

The droid, manufactured by Omni Consumer Products, was originally intended for law enforcement and is armed with three auto cannons, one auto shotgun and a rocket launcher.

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Nigel Farage seeks TV debate in bikinis with Daily Mail’s Paul Dacre

could increase the Daily Mail's circulation if he had a columnUK Independence Party leader Nigel Farage has offered to dress up in a bikini for an exclusive debate with the Daily Mail to restate UKIP’s message, and is also willing to discuss the boundaries of UK sovereignty as long as Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre also turns up in skimpy, alluring swimwear, to create an atmosphere of gravity in line with that paper’s influential editorial norms.

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