- Throngsman
- 6 days ago
While the government has worked hard to reduce the amount of foreigners entering the country by boat, plane and bus replacement service, the real problem is the increase in Oblivions.
'Superficially they look like us, speak like us and are seemingly embedded in our culture,' said a government spokesman today, 'but they hunt in packs, taking non-oblivions down every day,' he added.
Oblivions walk around supermarkets, stopping suddenly or turning without notice in front of other shoppers, usually holding a jar of pickles aloft while blocking the aisle with their shopping trolley. Obviously they fail to realise they have to pay for goods only when the last item has been scanned and even then decide they need to go back and pick up another box of cornflakes, leaving you waiting further.
They drive like they've never seen the Highway Code and take up the entire width of any pavement they find themselves on when walking. They turn in front of other motorists without warning, as if other cars are in receipt of a motoring Cloak of Invisibility, and park in at least two spaces concurrently. Given access to a mobility scooter they treat the highway like the pavement. In fact, they use both surfaces interchangeably, often at the same time.
'We are issuing non-oblivions with a roll of bandage each,' said the spokesman. 'It will be long enough to wrap themselves up in - it seemed to work for the Invisible Man, we're hoping it will work for normal people too,' said the spokesman. 'We recommend wrapping the cars in bandages as well, but obviously the budget won't stretch to that.
Photo by Terry Vlisidis on Unsplash
