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Labour explains ‘tablet of stone’ plans for the Dawn of Miliband

'Jesus Christ - Moses didn't have the piss taken out of him!'Ed Miliband unveiled an eight foot stone slab, carved with all six of Ed’s Ten Commandments.

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David Cameron’s hair pledges to leave UK if Labour wins

frankly, I'm worth itWith less than a week to polling day, David Cameron’s hair has weighed into the general election campaign by threatening to pull up its roots and emigrate if the Labour party wins on 7 May. ‘Under this Conservative-led government, what we have seen from David Cameron’s hair is recovery from recession and a return to growth,’ said George Osborne today. ‘It’s been a miraculous turnaround. Figures show our prime minister now has the fastest-growing head of hair in Europe.’

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Cameron hits back at Miliband with Jim Davidson interview

public need to know what Chalky thinks about all this...In a bid to snatch back public attention from Labour’s Ed Miliband, who this week enthused the young electorate with his casual chat with hipster Russell Brand, PM David Cameron has released footage of a ‘laid back chin wag’ with former funny man and casual racist, Jim Davidson.

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Tories threaten to finish what they started‏

The meek? Jesus was a silly Socialist...Buoyed by an endorsement from representatives of 5,000 small businesses, the Conservative Party has pledged to put a ‘food bank on every street corner’. Not content with four years of misery, David Cameron hopes to continue with his vision of low interest rates, low inflation and low self-esteem for any graduate looking for a job.

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Twitter gaffe about miners sends Miliband into lead

lead could be reversed if Ed eats another bacon sandwichAn unlikely Twitter phenomenon and an illiterate Conservative candidate have combined to propel Labour fifteen points clear in the latest YouGov poll.

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