The Labour Party sank to a new low today, and virtual civil war broke out on the opposition benches following revelations about the sick and depraved hobby of very, very, left-wing leader Jeremy Corbyn. The socialist demagogue who seized control of the Labour Party earlier this month following a so-called ‘landslide election’ now looks less electable than ever as it was revealed he liked to collect little enamel badges from various trades unions down the decades.
The new Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn came under fresh pressure this week as it was revealed that at no point during his student years did he take part in the normal student high-jinks that do so much to endear modern politicians to the British electorate. Downing Street yesterday accused Jeremy Corbyn of being ‘too much of a socialist puritan’ in his youth to have even done the normal harmless stuff, like for example, enjoying having sex with a severed pig’s head.
Scotland’s First Minister has rejected David Cameron’s insistence on a shared British clock and has proposed a move to a system where by the Scots, under cover of darkness, could sneak south of the border to ‘steal the women folk’. Nicola Sturgeon warned the Prime Minister that his days of a united approach to timekeeping were numbered or at the very least ‘moving from imperial to metric’.
By dawn the camps had sprung up near Dover, desperate ex Labour Front-benchers and their aides huddled together waiting for the traffickers who would take them to the continent and a new life, away from Corbyn, somewhere safe.
In a statement, Corbyn said he would apologise to the British people for the ‘unprecedented disaster’ that followed his decision to enter the Labour leadership race, and to members of the party for their unprecedented suffering of the left which is expected to continue for many years before order is fully restored.