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Jeremy Clarkson new Twitter CEO


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Following the online poll by Twitter owner Elon Musk, where a simple majority of Twitter users who could actually be arsed to vote decided that the man tearing the micro-blogging site apart day-by-day with ludicrous, misogynistic and frankly racist overtones that pass for Tweets should step down. Musk tweeted as the poll came to a close 'be careful what you wish for', suggesting he had been read in on the succession plan as Jeremy Clarkson was voted in as his replacement.


Compared to Musk, Clarkson is noted for his temperate approach to media. He rarely strays from the sensible middle line, weighs up the evidence and provides a balanced view on what is happening in the world - as long as the world constitutes purely of Meghan Markle and his dream to have her pelted in human excrement while paraded naked in every British town and city. Quite rightly the majority of the British public have condemned Clarkson's view - about the excrement. 'The paraded naked bit, well, that's reasonable,' suggested approximately half the British public


www.newsbiscuit.com


image from pixabay

‘I know you are - but what am I?’ Steve Barclay gets tough with unions


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Furious unions have accused the Health Secretary of making farting noises with his armpits during negotiations, and of wiping bogies on the underside of his desk. Initial reports suggest Mr Barclay entered into negotiations with his arms and fists swinging in a windmill fashion while shouting ‘If you don’t get out of my way, it’s your fault!’


RCN leader Pat Cullen expressed frustration that Mr Barclay would only respond to her questions with the repeated phrase ‘your mum’. He hit back at unions, accusing their mums of being prozzies and their dads of buying their shoes at Poundland.


Talking to Jo Coburn on BBC Politics Live, Mr Barclay demonstrated his negotiating techniques with the help of a small He-Man figurine and a Barbie doll. As the toys violently clashed, he told viewers:


‘Boosh! Take that, union scum. Chiff-chiff-chiff. Doosh-doosh!!! You want a pay rise? Prepare to die. Boom. Aaaaagh. Chiff-chiff-chiff…’


He then simulated sex with the toys until his elderly mother came on set and clipped him around the ear.


Mr Barclay denies fidgeting and not paying attention.



image from pixabay

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