Europeans are hardly able to contain themselves as Liverpudlian artists flock to their patch to entertain them with the best music Merseyside has to offer.
'The Scouservision Song Contest is the straightest event of the year,' shrieked Anders Anderssen from Copenhagen, before passing out in a pile of wheel trims.
The hotly tipped favourites to win, The Farm, say that German Baroque composer Johann Pachelbel influenced their music greatly, and is responsible for the sound and style of contemporary music throughout Sefton Park today.
Gerry and the Pacemakers, Echo & the Bunnymen and Frankie Goes to Hollywood will perform controversial pieces in a language no one can understand. And People will gasp as a band from Warrington will be allowed to participate. 'Do you know how far Warrington is from Liverpool?' said one critic of the extravaganza. 'It's nowhere near Merseyside. It's, like, almost the other side of the M6. I don't care about inclusivity, that's just taking the piss now.'
Anders Anderssen came round for a brief moment to moan, 'I thought The La's were from Manchester?'
Rank outsiders, The Beatles, are expected to score Nil Poissons, and an inappropriate hologram of the bilingual Cilla Black will host the ceremony in both Liverpudlian and Evertonian, beamed live to several households throughout the Bootle area.
- Sully
- May 11, 2023
Under new Government plans to improve the NHS by making it worse, everybody with a low-paid job will be co-opted into the NHS – making it the world’s largest health system.
‘Nobody uses libraries these days’ said a Conservative MP. ‘They’re all too busy on their phones or queuing for food banks. Librarians could be trained to do smear tests easily enough – just put a couch and a pair of stirrups between Fiction A – G and H – M. Sorted’.
Studies have shown that car washes already have buckets and a water supply, so colonic irrigation will just need a bit of training. ‘For an extra five quid you could get your teeth polished’, the spokesman said. ‘Florists could do minor surgery. They’re paid really badly so they’re ideal’.
Some moaning minnies have suggested that there might have been a reason for the whole “five years at medical school then several years post-registration training” malarkey, but ministers have helpfully pointed out that everybody dies anyway, and we’re a crowded island. So that’s all right.