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Europeans 'super excited' about Scouservision Song Contest

Europeans are hardly able to contain themselves as Liverpudlian artists flock to their patch to entertain them with the best music Merseyside has to offer.

'The Scouservision Song Contest is the straightest event of the year,' shrieked Anders Anderssen from Copenhagen, before passing out in a pile of wheel trims.

The hotly tipped favourites to win, The Farm, say that German Baroque composer Johann Pachelbel influenced their music greatly, and is responsible for the sound and style of contemporary music throughout Sefton Park today.

Gerry and the Pacemakers, Echo & the Bunnymen and Frankie Goes to Hollywood will perform controversial pieces in a language no one can understand. And People will gasp as a band from Warrington will be allowed to participate. 'Do you know how far Warrington is from Liverpool?' said one critic of the extravaganza. 'It's nowhere near Merseyside. It's, like, almost the other side of the M6. I don't care about inclusivity, that's just taking the piss now.'

Anders Anderssen came round for a brief moment to moan, 'I thought The La's were from Manchester?'

Rank outsiders, The Beatles, are expected to score Nil Poissons, and an inappropriate hologram of the bilingual Cilla Black will host the ceremony in both Liverpudlian and Evertonian, beamed live to several households throughout the Bootle area.

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