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  • Writer's pictureSully

Colonic irrigation? Try the carwash

Under new Government plans to improve the NHS by making it worse, everybody with a low-paid job will be co-opted into the NHS – making it the world’s largest health system.

‘Nobody uses libraries these days’ said a Conservative MP. ‘They’re all too busy on their phones or queuing for food banks. Librarians could be trained to do smear tests easily enough – just put a couch and a pair of stirrups between Fiction A – G and H – M. Sorted’.

Studies have shown that car washes already have buckets and a water supply, so colonic irrigation will just need a bit of training. ‘For an extra five quid you could get your teeth polished’, the spokesman said. ‘Florists could do minor surgery. They’re paid really badly so they’re ideal’.

Some moaning minnies have suggested that there might have been a reason for the whole “five years at medical school then several years post-registration training” malarkey, but ministers have helpfully pointed out that everybody dies anyway, and we’re a crowded island. So that’s all right.

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