- NewsBiscuit
- Jun 26, 2023
Gene Cernan, 82, has passed away and has taken the secret of this elaborate hoax to the grave. Scientists now acknowledge that the Moon is a 2,000km block of cheese and that space flight is as unattainable as a connection on Southern Rail.
Filmed on a Pinewood soundstage, the faked moon landings are one of the most infamous tricks played on the US public; alongside the American Dream. The only genuine moon-walk was carried out by a Mr. M. Jackson in 1984, but he was soon assassinated by CIA operatives.
The commander of the bogus Apollo 17 flight, Mr. Cernan will be remembered for his commitment to the ‘long-con’ and keeping a straight face. The remaining six astronauts still alive are all sworn to secrecy or risk losing their membership to The Magic Circle. To this day only 20% of Americans believe the landings to be fake; less than the number that think Obama founded ISIS, Coke is the Real Thing or that being urinated on by a Russian prostitute is normal.
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- Sully
- Jun 26, 2023
In a move which has surprised literally nobody, several chatbots have demonstrated superior conversational skills than Prime Minister Rishi Sunak.
'We weren't suprised ChatGPT did well because it's flying high' said an expert. 'But an old Sinclair Spectrum managed more human-sounding conversation. OK, it repeated the same phrases over and over again, but so did Rishi'.
Rishi was finally placed between a Talking Barbie Mermaid doll ("Hi! I'm Barbie! Do you like my hair?") and a mynah bird ("Who's a pretty boy then?") Conservative MPs are due to choose between the Barbie doll and the mynah bird as his replacement in the next few weeks.
Image: markusspiske - Pixabay