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Minister for Common Sense and No Mucking Abaaaaaht Esther McVey has got involved with what colours civil servants can wear - both on their work lanyards and in their own private lives.
Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'We don't want civil servants to have consciences, that would be a disaster. Civil servants have to implement government policy, so we want dead-eyed automatons, whose only joy is inflicting as much avoidable suffering as possible. Like Esther McVey.'
'We must know if civil servants' pants could be carrying political messages. Or if 7 civil servants all wore shirts in the colours of the rainbow, they wouldn't be allowed to stand in a row.'
Civil servant Eleanor Evans said 'McVey wants to ban pointless, political job creation schemes? What, like having a Minister for Common Sense?'
Contestants on ITV’s flagship reality-show, have struggled to adjust to life without cameras but with an embarrassing itch in their nether regions. One particular hot-tub session has resulted in a warm cocktail of bacteria, two unplanned pregnancies and a new form of aquatic sloth.
They expect ‘Love Island’ to soon become ‘Baby Island’, followed by ‘Shotgun Marriage Island’, concluding with the inevitable ‘Bitterness and Regret Island’. Said one reality star: ‘After one DNA test, followed by three months of NCT classes with the reluctant father, that was a little bit too much reality for me.’
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